In last Sunday’s New York Times Style section, The Get Together Events Co. was quoted about our recent experience with cicadas at weddings.

These once-in-17-year guests were not something our clients had on their radar when they booked their wedding date, but they handled the unexpected guests with grace, humor, and a few memorable squeals!

Our cicada experience has us reflecting on other surprise “weddings guests” that can pop up during the wedding planning process. See our suggestions below for how to handle unexpected wedding guests.

THE +1

While we are all so happy for your fiancé’s former roommate to have found love, that doesn’t mean you have to invite them to your wedding. But sometimes it is hard for folks to hear/understand that the new love of their life isn’t invited to share in your love.

PREVENTATIVE MEASURE: Online RSVPs are GREAT for this possibility, as you can program your RSVP systems to only allow guests to RSVP for the number of guests that are invited. So if it’s one seat, they can only RSVP for one seat!

THE KID

WHAT!? How dare you not want your cousin’s precious baby angel that shits their pants to not be invited to this late night dance party! How. Dare. You.

I don’t have kids. I don’t know what it’s like to love a tiny baby human that hard, but sometimes parents have love-goggles and fail to realize that this most perfect being isn’t invited.

SOLUTION: When a parent just doesn’t get it (Baby would just sit on their lap! What’s the big deal??), let them know your reasoning. Perhaps if you invite one baby, you have to invite them all and it’s just too many kids. Perhaps the venue has some elements that aren’t child-proof (stairs, water features, expansive land). Perhaps your wedding gives you massive anxiety as is, and children’s vibes aren’t going to help- live in that truth. Have some local sitters handy that can watch the child so the parents can have a free night out. And at last resort, don’t be upset if the parents (or one of the parents) just can’t come- allow them the out. But we get you- weddings are not for children. We support you.

THE “NO RESPONSE”

Aunt Carole never returned her RSVP and here she is at your event. Damnit Carole. Why didn’t you RSVP? And WHY do you have an “e” at the end of your name!?

PREVENTATIVE MEASURE: Talk to EVERYONE. Hunt down ALL the RSVPs. If you haven’t heard from someone, call them. Guilt them into getting you a bigger wedding gift since they didn’t get you their RSVP on time. Leave no RSVP behind. And if there are too many people to hunt down- delegate! Have your partner go after their family and have your parents go after your family. You’ve got enough going on.

THE OFFICIANT

This very special person just officiated a very special day in your life. So whether they are a religious leader, a hired vendor, or someone you really don’t know prior to wedding day, you automatically have a bond with them now- a bond that might mean they get to stay for your wedding reception- I mean, they were already at the ceremony.

PREVENTATIVE MEASURE: Always ask your officiant if they would like to stay for the reception. 80% of the time they say no, but 20% of the time they will join! Better to know that earlier rather than day-of. And if they stay, perhaps you can ask them to do a blessing before dinner if that floats your boat.

WILDLIFE

Just like with our cicada experience, if you are getting married outside, it’s possible that you’ll have an extra guest. We’ve had farm dogs, horses, chickens, and bugs of all sorts at weddings.

SOLUTION: Understand you are getting married outside. It’s just par for the course. Take it in stride (just like weather) and be ready for any of Beyonce’s creatures to join you on wedding day.

THE OTHER EVENT

While your event is being hosted in a venue, outside of that venue, there is a world of activity happening! This could mean parades, protests, festivals or music video shoots (which have all happened).

SOLUTION: Take a look at the events calendar for the city your event is being held in. CMAFest in Nashville is a date I’ve got on my calendar for years as it greatly impacts the flow of the city. You can’t stop the events from happening, but you can plan around them! If you are getting married in a multi-venue space, ask them what else is happening in the space on your date. As in a previous client instance, you could end up in a music video!

HOW TO HANDLE UNEXPECTED WEDDING GUESTS WHEN THEY DO ARRIVE.

We’ve done hundreds of weddings. Of the hundreds of weddings, there have been just a handful of instances where unexpected guests do show. But in those instances, we do the following:

Let catering know immediately. Professional caterers do prepare for this and should have a little extra food built in, but they need a heads up to portion appropriately.
Find a seat for them. If they are associated with a group (a plus one, a child, a family member), try to squeeze them into that group’s table. If you have some understanding friends that can go anywhere, perhaps let those friends know the situation, let the unexpected guest sit in the friend’s seat and move the lovely lovely friends to a different location and buy them coffee after the wedding.
Don’t make a big deal out of it. More likely than not, the unexpected wedding guest is going to be embarrassed- so try not to make it more of a situation than it needs to be. A professional wedding coordinator can handle this situation with ease. (Wink Wink!)

So while unexpected wedding guests are never the most fun to work through, if you handle them in stride and roll with it, they can be blessings in disguise!

Any other unexpected wedding guests situation we’ve missed? Have questions? Let us know!

All photos courtesy Poynter Photo Co. from Jessica and Jed’s wedding in which no one showed up unexpectedly and all guests were perfection.

Lauren Schaefer is the founder of The Get Together Events Co. your month-of wedding and events coordination company, offering affordable services and peace of mind to New York, Nashville, Chicago and beyond.

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