When the wedding planner gets married | Part 4: The Ceremony
Part 4 of our “when the wedding planner gets married” series. Click here for Part 1: “The Preparations” , Part 2: “The Decisions”, and Part 3: “Decor + Timeline”
THE CEREMONY:
When we onboard with clients at the month-of mark, it is not uncommon for folks to have spent little time thinking about the ceremony. It’s totally foreign how to sculpt one for most, and intimidating AF- but it’s the meat and potatoes of the day! Tom and I really wanted to take some time to make sure ours was special and also lasted for a significant amount of time. No five minute ceremonies for us.
Here is our ceremony outline:
Ceremony Begins
Officiant Aunt Linda processes, gives a no cell phone speech
Processional:
SONG: “My Love” Paul McCartney
Grandparents
Step Mother of the Bride and Father of the Bride (circle around)
Father of the Groom with Both Sisters of the Groom
Mother of the Bride with Brother of the Bride
Groom with Mother of the Groom
SONG: “Like Real People Do” Hozier
Wedding party members, partnered - sit once down the aisle
Ring Bearers
Flower Girl
SONG: “The Story” Dolly Parton cover
(Lauren will wait the whole first verse before processing, about 40secs)
Lauren and Her Dad
OFFICIANT WELCOME
“Please be seated”
Tom’s Sisters, Maggie and Ashley should adjust the bride's dress and take her bouquet
OFFICIANT REMARKS
READING from Friend of the Groom
RING WARMING (4min)
Aunt Linda to describe what is happening….
During the song, the wedding party and family will place their hands upon the rings. For those of you who do not physically touch the rings, we ask you to please send all your good energy up towards the rings at this time!
SONG to play: “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” (Ella Fitzgerald Version)
Ring to be passed through the wedding party, their significant others and family, then passed back up front.
CALL AND RESPONSE VOWS
RING EXCHANGE
KISS
You may now seal your marriage with a kiss! (SONG STARTS)
PRONOUNCEMENT
“Family and friends, it is with great pleasure that I present to you for the very 1st time as husband and wife, Lauren and Tom”
Recessional:
SONG: “Who Loves You” by Frankie Valley and The Four Seasons
The married couple
B+G to stop at end of aisle to kiss!
Wedding Party
Officiant
Please join cocktail hour, extended family will stay in seats for photos
Some special elements for us:
The Songs. I LOVE the songs folks choose for their wedding. It is my favorite tidbits of information with every client and it tells so much about who they are. For us, Tom chose “My Love” by Paul McCartney to walk out to, as we went to the concert together and was a super special one. I had the wedding party walk out to “Like Real People Do” by Hozier, as it’s just my all-time favorite song and I love the way it makes me FEEL. It sets the mood for the room- lovely and dreamy and it’s just magical. For my song, I walked down to Dolly Parton’s cover of the Brandi Carlisle song, “The Story”. I didn’t share what I would walk down the aisle to with anyone besides my brother, who edited down the song for me, (keeping some things precious for yourself is important!). Many folks assumed that I’d walk down to a Dolly song but her cover of “The Story” is a deep cut and it got some gasps from the the crowd when it began to play. I also let the full first verse play before I walked. Not for anticipation of my arrival, but because I wanted everyone in the room to center themselves on the lyrics and the reason we were there.
All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don't mean anything
When you've got no one to tell them to, it's true
I was made for you
For all the songs, we had our DJ play them. The lyrics were just as important as the music for me, so we wanted to go with the originals.
Choosing who to walk down the aisle with was a tough one for me, as my parents both equally raised me, and I’m also a grown-ass woman and no one “gives me away”. But at the end of the day- 1) it was really special to my dad, and having something so special to him, was special to me 2) I was so nervous I couldn't imagine walking myself 3) my mom’s dress was killer and I wanted it to have its own moment.
During the ceremony, Tom and I shared call and response vows with each other that we had formed with the help of the internet, and our Marriage Coach, Chance. Professing personal vows in front of 175 people seemed too… personal for us. So instead, we shared private letters before the ceremony for just the two of us and did the call and response vows during the ceremony. What we taketh from the internet, we shall giveth away as well. So for your copy and pasting pleasure, here are our vows:
I, (Name) ask you (Name) to be my partner in life.
To love you when times are easy and to love you when times are hard.
To give you my hand and my heart as a sanctuary of warmth and peace.
To speak when words are needed and to share in silence when they are not.
To fuel curiosity and imagination through every chapter of our lives.
To cultivate a home where love is celebrated in all forms.
To keep joy and respect at the center of our marriage.
To never forget that marriage is a choice, and I chose you.
To love and cherish you in all forms every single day of my life.
We also included a reading in our ceremony to beef up the time and include more special people in our lives in our ceremony. Since our officiant was my aunt, we chose one of Tom’s friends to read a passage from a beloved family book - “Tiny Beautiful Things.”
“It is not so incomprehensible as you pretend, sweet pea. Love is the feeling we have for those we care deeply about and hold in high regard. It can be a light as the hug we give a friend or heavy as the sacrifices we make for our children. It can be romantic, platonic, familial, fleeting, everlasting, conditional, unconditional, imbued with sorrow, amplified by kindness, deepened by time, darkened by difficulty, leavened by generosity, nourished by humor, and ‘loaded with promises and commitments’ that we may or may not want to keep. The best thing you can possibly do with your life is to tackle the shit out of love.”
I did remove “mother fucking” at the behest of my mother in law. I didn’t want anyone to be TOO distracted from the meaning of the reading.
The final element we included in our ceremony was one I knew I wanted from the very beginning. It’s my favorite of ANY wedding I’ve planned and that’s a ring warming. A ring warming is an Old Irish Tradition where your rings are passed around to your guests to place blessings and well wishes on the couple and their marriage. Tom and I are not religious, but we belive in good juju and we believe in the love and support of our friends and family. As our officiant said in our ceremony:
“Before the vows and ring exchange, Lauren and Tom would like to have a ring warming ceremony. It is widely believed that precious metals hold energy. The more enduring the object, the more energy will be absorbed. At this time, I would like to invite the wedding party and immediate family to pass the wedding rings. Hold Lauren and Tom’s rings in your hand. Warm them with your love, and make a silent wish for the couple, one that will carry them into a bright and lasting marriage. For those of you not actually touching the rings, I ask that you still send your love, silent wish, good juju, whatever you believe in, to Lauren and Tom.”
We included a song to honor my grandma who couldn’t attend in person during this time. The ring-warming ceremony was one of my most favorite parts of my wedding. Not only did we get the good energy of our loved ones, it allowed Tom and I a beat during our ceremony, to look around at everyone, soak in all the love and just sob a little too.
When I put Tom’s ring on his hand, I straight up cackled. Just goes to show you that weddings are wild and weird.
At the end of the ceremony, we recessed out to “Who Loves You” by Frankie Valli and The Four Seasons. I always love when recessional songs pump you up and prepares you for the rest of the night, and the intro to that song just makes my heart explode. Kiss > *Drums Hi-Hat* > Intro as Bride and Groom > Recess. *Chef’s Kiss!* Though, our group was yelling so loud I don’t think any of this could be heard and that’s fine with me :)
Come back tomorrow for Part 5: Details + Conclusion
photos courtesy of Madi Flournoy Photography
Lauren Schaefer Goodner is the founder of The Get Together Events Co. your month-of wedding and events coordination company, offering affordable services and peace of mind to New York, Nashville, Chicago and beyond.
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